FATHERHOOD

In the April 5, 2007 issue of Time Magazine, an article entitled Dad’s Dilemma chronicled the experiences of Asian dads who are now spending time at work and thus had less time for their children. There was even one father who sought a compromise by installing remotely operated video cameras around his home just so he could monitor his kids while working in the office whenever he logs on the internet.

But, as the article revealed, anything short of actually being actively involved with their child’s development is just a practice in futility. The article went on to illustrate the effect of fatherhood (or the lack of it) on children – “numerous academic studies have shown that children with distant fathers score lower on tests of empathy, reasoning and brain development than those whose fathers are more involved. The former behave more aggressively, don’t get on as well with siblings, tend to be less popular in school and are more reluctant to take responsibility for their misbehavior. In 2002, the U.S. National Center for Policy Analysis concluded that kids with physically absent fathers were up to three times more likely to use drugs and engage in criminal behavior. Last month, an Israeli study reported that children with absent fathers were more likely to have trouble forming new relationships, whether the absences were permanent or shorter term. When children reach school age, Australian psychologist Paul Amato found, fathers are even more important to self-esteem than mothers.”

After reading this article, I suddenly realized that this phenomenon hits close to home. I don’t have an ideal relationship with my father. And I must admit that I had personality issues earlier on in my life that I still contend currently with to a certain extent. Having gone through that, I resolved to be a better father to my kids and hopefully, I’m doing a better job than what my Dad did with me.

But I’m not bitter. Not anymore. I guess my father didn’t know any better because his own father, my lolo, died when he was just a toddler. Like it or not, poor relationships with fathers are the root cause for most dysfunctional individuals. Movies like “Kramer vs. Kramer”, “He Got Game”, “In the Name of the Father”, “Jumanji” and of course, “Pursuit of Happyness” are built on that very premise.

Not to diminish the role of mothers but all of us yearn for our father’s approval. When we get it, we bask in it for days at a time. When we don’t, we sulk for weeks. When we don’t get it enough times, we develop a protective shell of indifference, which more often than not, we pass on to our own kids.

A wise man once told me that we, as a nation, cannot achieve a dramatic change for the better in our lifetimes. What we can do instead, as fathers, is to strive to promote change within our family, by imparting good values to our children and always see to it that we are there whenever they need us. Juggling work and family can be hard at times but us fathers should go the extra mile for our kids. As Adam Sandler’s character in another great movie about fathers, “Click”, gasped to his son before he died – “Family comes first.”